Story

We each wrote a story opening based around a male named Ross. Once we had written the introduction, we handed it to the next person to add another paragraph until the stories were complete. This got us thinking about the elements of plot opening which create a certain atmosphere for the rest of a film. It can leave a level of expectation or confusion, depending on the genre or mood you are portraying.

Ross, a 63 year-old male woke and looked around him, he was…

Woken up, once again, by the sound of the alarm clock. It drummed in his ear – each second ticked in his head like a siren. Another year. One more until he could finally leave the office. There was an empty spot in the bed beside him. His wife must have left for the day. When he stood, the room zoomed around him as if it had taken off from beneath him. The room was messy – this was the only sign of life in the otherwise dreary gray and blue room. It looked more like an office than a bedroom. He rubbed his gray eyes, which watered as the bright light blinded him.

Ross picked up a small, oval-shaped flannel. This flannel had sentimental meaning to Ross. He would wash his face with it every day and never clean it. He saw it as a way of reflecting back on all the misery he had endured since marriage began.

A short, stout grey haired woman entered the hallway. She poked her head around the peach coloured bathroom; she became quickly aware as to what Ross was holding. Regret plagued her stomach. Ross saw his wives’ silhouette shadowed against the wall; he realized that she in fact had not left for work. Both Ross and his wife drew breath before they entered each other’s company. The argument was going to start again.

Ross quickly left the room before any form of argument begun and took out his new mobile phone, he squinted at the buttons and types in his home number, as his wife came down the stairs he picked up the home phone, “hello!” His wife looked angry, although his plan had worked, she believed he was on the phone with work. “Yes, of course I can,” he talked down the phone, giving the pre-prepared script perfectly. After two minutes his wife left for work, as the door slammed shut Ross put the receiver down and sighed a sigh of relief. Another argument he had dodged, although another he must endure at a later date.

Ross left for work, reversing out of his suburban drive. Passing his neatly trimmed garden, which looked beautiful in comparison to the relationship it’s owners possessed. He drove down Tuttles Lane listening to his classic pop music at a loud volume. This was the only time he had alone, the highlight of the day. In his rear view mirror he saw his wife’s car and quickly shut off his music and drove at a quicker speed. His wife was closing in on him, so he ran the red light, as he looked behind he saw a bus pull out in front of his wife.

How I pictured the narrative to unfold:

The story turned out quite different to how I had initially pictured it. When writing the introduction, I had the idea that Ross had reached a point in his life where he felt as though he was stuck and had made all of the wrong choices.  This idea was reflected in the rest of the story. However, I felt that his aggression was a result of his unwanted job at the office – and the story was more based on an uncomfortable relationship with his wife. This seemed like the highlighting reason for his misery, and his biggest mistake.

I imagined him trying to turn his life around, so that he could retire feeling as though he had achieved something. This turn-around would mean that his whole world would lift and become a much brighter place – his house would seem less like a place where he needed to work and cope with stress, but a place where he could end up relaxing and enjoying his old age. The wife would be suffering from his unhappiness, but her cheerful attitude is the only thing holding the two of them together. In order to escape this aching feeling, she has to leave the house and enter a new place. Being in the home reminds them both of their longing for a more comfortable and happy environment. They never moved forward since starting their life together as young people, still figuring out what they wanted.

Generally, I prefer the new storyline, as it seems to be more of a comedy. This will appeal to a wider audience, as only a small group of older people would be able to relate to the narrative. However, I think that it needs to be adapted and extended to make it more interesting. There is little going on, and some of the plot needs to be explained to make sense. For example, the flannel should be explained to it’s own story, and as to why it brings tension between the two main characters.

The part that I really liked was the ending. It ends very simply yet effectively, working well as a short film idea. There is a lot going on as Ross tries to escape from his wife, which gives it a strong comedic element. The actor could really work with this to make it dramatic and over-stated, really drawing on his attempts to escape.

Do you feel that the story would make a good short film?

I do not think that the story would make a successful short film. There is not enough going on, so it does not leave a strong image. There are lots of unanswered questions, which leave you confused rather than curious. Although in crime, horror, or other genres this may be seen as a way of creating mystery – in comedy this concept does not tend to be relevant. It is such a basic idea that it leaves little room for creativity. Any aspect of filming would be limited and unexciting. A short film, in particular, needs to be very gripping. It needs to make its statement almost straight away, to leave a lasting effect on the audience. The idea is too simple and hard for most people to relate to. I feel that in order to be made into a short film, it needs to really adapt to gain more comedy so that it is really over the top and unexpected.